The Four Trauma Responses: A Deeper Look at the Fawn Response and How Thrive Counselling Adelaide Can Help

When we experience a threat—whether physical, emotional, or relational—our nervous system instinctively responds to help us survive. These responses are commonly known as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. In a healthy, regulated system, we’re able to access all four depending on the situation. But for many people who’ve experienced trauma, especially in childhood, one or two of these responses become dominant, often at the cost of the others.

This post focuses on the fawn response—a lesser-known but deeply impactful survival strategy—and how counselling can support healing and help you regain access to your full emotional range.

What Is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response is the act of people-pleasing, appeasing, or over-accommodating others in order to stay safe. It often shows up as:

• Saying “yes” when you mean “no”

• Avoiding conflict at all costs

• Taking responsibility for others’ emotions

• Minimising your own needs and feelings

• Being hyper-attuned to others’ moods and needs, while ignoring your own

People who fawn may not even realise they’re doing it—it becomes second nature. It’s a survival strategy developed in environments where expressing needs or setting boundaries led to rejection, punishment, or emotional withdrawal.

Fawning Is About Safety, Not Weakness

It’s important to understand that fawning is not about being “too nice” or lacking strength. It’s a deeply intelligent survival mechanism. In situations where fighting back wasn’t safe, and running away wasn’t an option—like in a home with emotional neglect, controlling caregivers, or inconsistent love—the nervous system learned that pleasing others was the only path to connection and protection.

But as adults, this pattern can become a source of pain. It can lead to:

• Co-dependency in relationships

• Burnout from over giving

• A loss of identity

• Difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries

• Chronic anxiety or resentment beneath the surface

Trauma and the Imbalance of Responses

We need all four responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—to navigate life effectively. For example:

• Fight helps us protect ourselves and set boundaries.

• Flight helps us leave unsafe situations.

• Freeze gives us a moment to pause and assess.

• Fawn can help us create harmony and connection.

But when trauma has shaped our nervous system, we might get stuck in only one or two of these responses—using them even when they’re not helpful.

For example:

• Someone stuck in fight mode might become controlling, defensive, or aggressive.

• Someone stuck in fawn mode might constantly seek approval and lose themselves in relationships.

The goal isn’t to eliminate any response—it’s to regain flexibility and restore balance.

Reclaiming the Fight Response: Boundaries, Anger, and Self-Protection

One of the most important steps for someone who fawns is reconnecting with their inner protector—the part of them that knows how to say “no,” and stand up for what they need.

This can feel extremely uncomfortable at first. If your fight response was punished or shut down in childhood, expressing anger now may feel dangerous or wrong. You might feel guilt, shame, or even panic when trying to set a boundary or speak up.

That’s where counselling can be a powerful support.

How Counselling Can Help Heal the Fawn Response

Working with a counsellor creates a safe and non-judgemental space to explore your patterns and gradually build new ones. Here’s how therapy can support someone with a dominant fawn response:

Build Awareness

You’ll start to recognise when you’re fawning—often it happens automatically. Becoming aware of your patterns is the first step to change.

Set Boundaries (Without Guilt)

Therapists can help you practise setting small, manageable boundaries and work through the emotional discomfort that comes with them.

Reconnect With Healthy Anger

Counselling helps you tap into your fight response—not in a destructive way, but as a tool for self-protection, advocacy, and authenticity.

Work Through Attachment Trauma

If your fawning comes from early attachment wounds, your therapist can guide you through healing those relational templates and learning that it’s safe to be seen, heard, and valued for who you are—not just for what you do for others.

Practice Tolerating Disapproval

One of the hardest things for fawners is letting someone be disappointed or upset with them. Therapy offers space to build that tolerance and remind yourself: “I can survive this. I don’t have to earn love.”

Final Thoughts

Fawning was a brilliant survival strategy—but it doesn’t need to define your future. You have the right to speak up, to honour your needs, and to live in alignment with your values.

Through counselling, you can learn practical strategies and emotional skills to set boundaries, express yourself with confidence, and manage the discomfort that can come with change. Counselling offers a path to reclaim your voice, build inner safety, and reconnect with the parts of you that were silenced or softened to keep the peace. Feel free to reach out to Carly from Thrive Counselling Solutions Adelaide with any questions you may have, or book an appointment today.

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